Speed Racer

Last Thursday, we had to bring our three-year-old to the club for Trivia Night. Adding a third member to our posse meant upgrading to a bigger table, so we hosted from the first high top by the bar – the prime seat!

Seated directly next to us at the bar was Speed Racer. Speed Racer is a regular, a longtime member, and the kind of person who has already chatted up half the room before the first question drops. Throughout the first round, I could hear Speed Racer excitedly telling her husband all the answers to all the questions. Sometimes, she’d peek over at us and mouth the answers to us for confirmation. By the time I read the fourth question, she had a perfect score and was beaming with pride.

I tallied up the answer sheets. Eleven answer sheets came in, but none from Speed Racer. I hadn’t heard her final answer, so I casually approached her and her husband and asked, “Gun to your heads, in what major American city were the coconut treats known as Irish potatoes developed?” “Boston”, they settled on. So close.

Back at my table, I prepared to read the scores. Had she ranked them appropriately, Speed Racer was tied for first place, but she didn’t truly rank her answers, which is a crucial part of the scoring. I had a tough choice to make. I decided – she wouldn’t be allowed to win. And I read the scores aloud. “And tied for first place . . . and Speed Racer Who Isn’t Playing but I Can Hear All Her Answers from Here”. I quickly looked over at Ted’s table – they laughed confirming, “that tracks”.

Round two, still no answer sheet from Speed Racer, and now tied for fifth place out of twelve teams. I read her score again as “Speed Racer Who Isn’t Playing”. I announced the selected picture round – “Celebrities by Height”. Speed Racer gleefully asked for a score sheet. And this time, I got to announce her score as “Speed Racer Who is Now Officially Playing”.

Speed Racer finished four points behind first place, in sixth place. And no one was upset.

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